How To Deal With Your Ex-husband's New Girlfriend

Many of us find a new mate immediately after divorce. Your ex-husband may be one of them. This can be hard on you emotionally. My own ex took no break whatsoever. His relationship was the cause of our breakup. She moved in with him two months after he left my home. She left him after little more than a year. I was elated. Her departure was satisfying on several levels. My feelings stemmed from my own hurt, and they also came from the disruption and pain she’d brought to my children’s lives. But I admit that revenge was a factor. I liked the feeling that my ex was finally getting his comeuppance. Now he would feel the sting of rejection. I wanted him to suffer this. I had good reason. He had thrown out 13 years of marriage, and I wanted him to pay for it. His girlfriend had been a painful reminder of all that, and I couldn’t help but feel relief that her life no longer intersected with mine or my children’s. But these feelings of relief and satisfaction were quickly tempered by the fact that he soon found another girlfriend. I decided that any woman was better than the last, but still I wondered, how could anyone want to date a broke, often-unemployed, overweight, balding man? His new girlfriend was only 24, 14 years younger than he was. She seemed nice enough, but deep down it still bothered me that he was happy. Despite all the books I had read on spirituality, forgiveness, and love, I still felt rage. Try as I might, I couldn’t understand these feelings. I no longer had any physical attraction to this man. I didn’t even like him. Why would I care? The real reason was that I wanted him to suffer for what he had done to me. It is normal to have confusing feelings long after the divorce is final. An ex’s new partner can stir hostility whenever she comes in contact with your children. This is inevitable. Your life has been turned upside down. The familiar and routine are changed forever. Even if your marriage was filled with anger, it was still the life you knew. Some inmates find security in a prison cell. Marriage can be the same. With divorce new people enter your life, some not by choice. You must find a way to deal with your ex’s new love. This is difficult if you are not currently in a relationship yourself. Why him, but not me? You ask over and over. You feel you are a good person, and you deserve love. You feel as if your ex deserves loneliness and pain. Stop taking it personally. The right person will show up. Though it may not seem so now, he will arrive at exactly the right moment. Be cautious. Look before you leap. There’s no need to risk repeating a painful experience. Take your ex’s success as an omen. You know that if it can happen to him quickly, you too will find love. If his new love proves fleeting, don’t rejoice or worry about it. The longer you wait the better chance you have for a truly lasting love. Don’t jump into something just to prove yourself. This is not a competition. This is a serious search for a love that will last a lifetime. You do not need to suffer again. That doesn’t mean you should ignore your negative emotions. Release them. Talk to a friend or therapist. Punch a pillow. Wait until you are alone, then call your ex every dirty name in the book. Shout it and scream it. Let all of it go. Let go of all of the pain, hurt, and betrayal. The process may take months, or even years, but you will feel better in time. That special someone will come, and your divorce will fade into memory. You will no longer harbor hateful feelings toward your ex. You will come to accept your ex for who he is, and wish him well. About the Author: Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free chapter of the book go to: http://www.secretsofdivorce.com Read more articles by: Christina Rowe Article Source: www.iSnare.com Share: Del.icio.us Digg Reddit

The Truth About Dirty Divorce Tactics

Why does divorce turn ugly? What makes one partner turn on the other? I have often pondered these questions. It amazes me that two people who stood at the altar and vowed to be together until death do us part,can ultimately destroy each other. While I was married the thought of a couple going through a vicious divorce made no sense to me. I always thought that when a couple decided to divorce they should simply divide their assets in half and part ways amicably. There was never a reason for a bitter divorce, I naively thought. I was stunned when during my own divorce my ex-husband refused to settle and split our assets. What followed was a long, expensive legal battle.Never did I imagine that I would be engaged in the same kind of divorce I once scorned. I decided to research why divorce becomes ugly. I found that one of the main causes of a bitter divorce is that one or both spouses are receiving bad advice. Sometimes this advice comes from an attorney. Other times it is from family members or friends. But no matter who provided the advice, it is always received by an angry,vengeful spouse. This is the spouse who feels betrayed, who wants to hurt his or her mate. The spouse who cannot let go and move on with his or her life. This person has a need to get even and in the emotionally weak state one is left in during the wake of a divorce, he or she is easy prey for a greedy divorce attorney or a mother-in-law who hated her daughter-in -law from day one. Are more men guilty of being unfair and using devious tactics in divorce than women? I think the playing field is about even. There are probably just as many woman as men who resort to despicable behavior during divorce. You may be tempted to act out and strike back at a husband that is causing you pain. Remember that the more in control you are of your behaviors and actions, the better you will come out in the end. You are being providing with an inside view of what some men are capable of during divorce. Some of this information is shocking and startling.You may think that your ex would never do this to you. Hopefully he won’t.But you need to be on guard and prepared for battle at all times. The woman who have already suffered at the hands of a husband who has played dirty tricks will tell you they never saw it coming. Never in a millions years did they believe their husbands could be capable of such actions.Yet it still happened to them. Be forewarned,armed and ready. 5 Simple Rules To Follow During A Ugly Divorce: 1. Watch who you confide in. You must be careful of who you tell your divorce woes to someone who you consider a friend may pass information either knowingly or unknowingly to your spouse. 2. Do not try and reason with your spouse. Let your lawyer do the talking for you.That is why you hired him. Engaging in conversations with your husband about your divorce can make things a lot worse. He may be setting you up. You cannot trust him. If you could then your divorce would be settled by a mediator. 3. Be prepared financially. Make sure you have the funds available to pay for your attorney’s retainer fee and support you and your children.In my book “Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know” I go into great detail explaining what you need to do to protect yourself financially. 4. Always control your emotions! Any out of control behavior will cost you in the courtroom. You better believe that your husband will be making a list of anything you do that is questionable. Are you driving by his home? Calling his cell phone? Harassing him by email? Your husband will use these kinds of behaviors to portray you as an unfit mother, crazy woman etc. 5. Be proactive and be involved in your divorce process. You cannot depend on your divorce attorney to win your divorce for you no matter how much you are paying him. Your lawyer cares about his fee. This is his business, how he makes a living. He is not your best friend, or confidante. What you can expect from him is to represent you to the best of his abilities. You need to become involved and stay in control of what goes on in your case. I hope the information I have given you will help you prepare for your divorce so that you may have the best possible divorce outcome! About the Author: Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free chapter of the book go to: http://www.secretsofdivorce.com Read more articles by: Christina Rowe Article Source: www.iSnare.com Share: Del.icio.us Digg Reddit